Dear Uncle Keith,

I have been seeing my bird for four years but although she often gives good head she still refuses to swallow can you help?

Dave from Dover 

Well Dave, I have never come across this problem myself as all my bitches seam happy to swallow my man juice but  you may want to try a swift sharp blow to the back of the head just as you ejaculate in her gob. Even if she does react quick anough to avoid the gobble she is still going to get a splattering in the face!

Uncle Keith

Dear Uncle keith,

I have been seing my bird for six months and allthough we have a great sex life I can't make her come. What am I doing wrong?

Mark from Exeter

Well Mark, firstly this is her problem not yours as long as you are still shooting your swimmers then why do you give a fuck if she is bitting the pillow or not. Secondly this is her problem and she neads to deal with it not you!

If you are really that bothered then why not home your skills with some of our adult flash games

Unckle Keith

Dear Uncle Keith

Recently I have been having big problems, every time I try to have sex with my misses nothing happens. I get really horney am am looking forward to shagging her but no matter what I try I cant get the old boy to stand to attention. What can I do as I am worried that my bid will start looking for satisfaction elsewhere!

Peter from Ipswich

Dear Peter

Firstly have a look at our wank bank section if this does the job then maybe the problem is with you bitch. Send us a picture and we will give you are proffesional opinion. Alteernativlly maybe you should get in touch with gary from cambridge maybe you two should both move to Brighton. In the mean time maybe I can help your misses out and give her the magic she misses.

Uncle Keith

 

Dear Uncle Keith

I love rooting my bird and se is a real good shag, much better than all my past bitches (and I have ad a few!) but I really want to fuck her arse. I cant stop thinking about how tight it woukd be but every time I try she pushes me of and gets the arse. Any tip on how I can persuade her to let me ream her back door?

Roger form Bristol

 

Well Roger

Why you are banging her doggy style wait till she is really in the throws of it start dribiling on her balloon not then wack there right up her chockolae tunnel, for added excitmen give her a quick wack to the back of the neck and her ring will tighten up like a sixteen year old virgin aka 'The Donkey Chop'

Dear Uncle Keith

Please help, although I love my boyfriend when we have sex it is such a let down he tries really hard but his nob is so small I can barelly feal it. Two years ago we bought an Alsation pubby and now his is a 'Big' dog, when I play with him he often gets a stonking hard on and I keep thinking about how good it would be to have some real meat for once. What should i do?

Linsey form Blackpool

Hello sweethart

Firstly don't feal guilty because your fellas not a real man. If you fancy riding your pet then go for it, dont' worry about shagging dogs I certanly had a few rough'ens in my time. If you still want something bigger then try this 15'' mamouth 'the great american challenge from www.lovehoney.co.uk

Dear Uncle Keith

I am 22 yeas old and have a lovelly 19 year old bitch but when I am down the pub with my mates I find I can not help looking at there cocks in the toilets and wondering whta it would be like to have them bugger me. Am I gay or is this just normal

Gary from Cambridge

Dear Gary

This website is called lads behaving badly not dirty shirtlifting cunts you dirty sick twisted puff, you have just made me chuck over my keyboard. The best thing you can do is pack your bags and move to brighton with the rest of the felching cunts!

Dear Uncle Keith

I have a great girl, good looking and and puts on a decent performance in bed but recently i have been taking more notice of her mum than her. We often flirt together and I can not stop thinking about how good a fuck she would be what should I do!

James from Essex

Dear James

Well they do say with age comes experience, I think woman are like a good wine - they get better wit age. However her minge will look like a splatered hedgehog and it will be likelly that a fire extinguiher wont even touch the sides. But the every wholes a goal (except a manhole) so just give her one up the tradesmans enterence and you will probabbly have a good time.