Valsalva
The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be ahead.
Vegetarian Hot Lunch
A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.
The Virgin Jawbreaker
When she is on top and she is a virgin or she has not had anal before, you reach around her and jab one of your fingers up her bum. If you are lucky she will like it and want you to do her from behind, if you are unlucky she will most likely punch you in the mouth and almost break your jaw.
Wake Up Call
Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"
The Walrus
After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.
Western Grip
When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.
Westside Glaze
Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.
The Woody Woodpecker
When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.
The Zombie Mask
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
Sandbag
Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knockedup. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
San Diego Surprise
The act of bringing a girl home and while fucking her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumored to work about one third of the time.
SCRAMBLED EGGS
The sexual act of performing oral sex on a woman that obviously has a yeast infection or other such obvious infection or disease, such as genital herpes. It gets it's name reputedly from the theme song to Frasier: "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs."
The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
The Seatbelt
While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.
Shirley Temple
Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.
The Shocker
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)
Shop Vac
When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.
Shrimping
The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes.
Skiing
While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.
Slumpbuster
When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.
Snerd Nurgling
The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...
Snoodling
When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!"
Snowball
Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.
The Snuff
Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.
Spiking the Ball:
When a man and woman are fucking (man on top) and surprise surprise the woman sticks a dildo up the unsuspecting man's ass.
Sunday Suprise:
The Southern Trespass
The Southern Trespass most frequently occurrs when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rain storm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern
Trespass.
Strawberry Snowcone
When your getting a blowjob you shoot your wad all over her face, then punch her in the nose, the mix of blood and cum resembles a Strawberrysnow cone.
Sternum Fuck
Tit fucking women with small breasts; AKA. Weasel Fuck
Stranger
Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Stranger On The Rocks
Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.
Strangers In The Night
When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.
Stingy Nut
When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.
Sud N' Fud
When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.
Surfing
This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.
Swimmer's Ear
When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.
Tea Bag
To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise.
Tag Team
When you pick up a chick, you take her to your place or a mates place. You make the room as dark as you can, and when you take her in there to give her a good rogering get your mates to wait in the next room. When you finish tell her to "wait there I am just going to the toilet and will be back soon for some more". Go outside tag your mate and he goes in for a go, because it is so dark she can not tell it is your mate, you tag as many times as you can, thus giving you a reputation as a stud who fucks all night.
3-Eyed Turtle
Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.
Throwing A Pickle Down A Hallway
When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kinda like tossing a pickle down a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick
The Tony Danza:
Similar to the Donkey Punch, only just as the male is about to blow, he yells out "Who's the Boss?" and then he punches her in the back of the head.
The Tortoise
When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.
Tossing Salad
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)
Tropical Wind
When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.
Tuna Melt
You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
When a man shoots his load in his favorite whore's bellybutton. No one has to ask "hey where's the cream filling?"
Twinkler
When you are 69-ing and she gags on your member and you can see her bung-hole pucker up.
Twisted Sister
Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun.
Times Square Shuttle
You have two girls with you and they are in the 69 position with each other. You then alternately fuck each of them while they chow each other. You go from the missionary position on one and run to the other side and work in doggie style on the other one. Repeat as many times as necessary / possible. (aka Burning the Candle at Both Ends, Playing Ping Pong, The Gunga Din)
Pasadena Mudslide
This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.)
Pattycake
While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.
Paying The Rent
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich
Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)
Pearl Necklace
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.
Pet Shop:
Inserting a small rodent such as a mouse or hampster in the anal cavity or if a woman is very stretched, in the vagina and left to roam around. The name comes from an English pop group
Pencil Sharpener
A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob that scrapes your willy up something awful.
Pep Rally
When you and another person Have someone in the finger cuff position and you give each other the "High Five" over the "Cuffed" Persons back.
The Pig Roast
While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.
Pink Glove
Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
The Pirate's Treasure
While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.
Plating
Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.
Platteville Pterodactyl
A popular move in the small southwestern Wisconsin college town of Platteville. After all attempts to casually penetrate a woman's anus, you flap your arms as if you were trying to fly away, and start cawing like a pterodactyl as loud as possible. This disorients the usually drunk coed for long enough to sneak your tube steak into her sweet virgin ass. Most effective from the "man standing, woman lying down on her back" position.
The Plum Fuck
is when you stick your dick and balls at the same time in the pussy or ass, which ever you prefer.
Pole Vault
Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1979 Olympics.
Pooper Shooter
When a girl is tossing your salad and you are jerking off and you shit in her mouth and then come on her face.
The Popcorn Trick
First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn?
Puerto Rican Fog Bank
While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.
Purple Mushroom
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
Queef
A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.
The Ram
When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Rapp-N-Poke
It's Sat. night in the hood and you're lookin to stuff the Ho of the week. After the bitches 9 juveniles hit the streets for their evening violence,you stroll up in you're beat-up Cadillac an hour late with two quarts of mad dog to set the mood. Don't forget to stop along the way to sell a glock and two rocks of crack to some under aged criminals. Now start the evening by yelling, "come here you black bitch and suck my meat" Dip your oversized nigger-cock into some Kool-Aid and stuff it between her dishlipps. Constantly beat her like the slave that she is and pound your fist into that bubble ass. Now whack off into a bucket of extra crispy and put it over her head so she can't see the watermelon that you're about to volley off of her thick skull. After you shoot her, go to the porch, sit down, and don't work for the rest of your life.
Reading the Defense
The concept of a guy making a split second decision when in a situation to score with some chick when out without his girlfriend/wife. "Reading the Defense" refers to making all of the proper "game time adjustments" not to get caught cheating later on at some point. Having Beer Goggles makes it very hard to Read the Defense
Rear Admiral
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips
Red Wings
Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!
Resuscitation
When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.
The Roddy Piper
When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.
The Rodeo
Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!
The Rose Creeper
Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
The Rusty Trombone
This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.
The Indian Cock Burn
While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
The Jedi Mind Trick
When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".
The Jelly Donut
Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut.
The Jessie Jackson
This action is performed by first taking a crap on a woman's face and then followed by a quick, harsh slap to the woman.
Jim Henson
When you fist someone and physically lift them off the ground. (aka The Muppett, Ass Puppett, Meat Puppett)
The Juanita Special Bean Dip
While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.
Kennebunkport Surprise
The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.
Kick-Fucking
The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
The Landshark
The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.
Leave-in Conditioner
Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman's hairdo at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence
Letting the Swim Team Loose:
ejaculating on a girl's face.
The Lorena Bobbit
Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
The Maytag:
When a girl is on top, just as you're about to shoot, have her spin around in circles on your cock like a washing machine.
Matching Drapes
Reference to whether or not a woman's pubic hair color matches the hair on her head. Used in a sentence: "Wow what a hot looking redhead, but I wonder do the curtains match the drapes?".
The Menthol
The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.
The Mellon Dive
Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
The Monkey Punch
When you're getting a girl from behind, you blow your load all over her back. When she leans up to balance the load from spilling onto her bed, you punch her in the back of the head...
Monkey Wrench
When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.
Monroe Transfer
When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.
The Moped
A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.
The Mork
Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)
Moses
A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
The Motorboat
While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.
Muff Teaser
Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.